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Wildly Exaggerated: Cake-astrophic FAIL

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Cake-astrophic FAIL

For once in my life, I am not on a diet. The amazing thing is that I haven't needed to be on a diet for a while, because I'm currently riding a wave of productivity that has resulted in less stress-/boredom-eating and helped to me slim down quite by accident.

The biggest obstacle I face, then, is stress/boredom. Unfortunately, the Universe's Epicenter of Stress/Boredom happens to be located right on top of my desk at my day job. So I thought there might be trouble yesterday morning, when someone (probably a convicted war criminal) left a sheet cake out in the staff break room. It looked like someone had taken about 2 bites out of it. It was HUGE. It was covered in white icing with purple flowers, and it said "CONGRATULATIONS! CLASS OF 2011! You earned it, [who cares]!" Obviously this was potentially a problem, but I reminded myself that it was 8:30 in the morning - surely an inappropriate time to have cake. Ah yes. 8:30 yesterday morning: the last time I exhibited any level of decorum.

I went about my day and hoped the cake would be gone soon. Each time I went to the break room, I saw that a little bit more had been hacked away. Having been too lazy to cook and too drunk to grocery-shop Sunday night, I hadn't packed a lunch for myself, so I ended up going to Taco Bell.

As I made my run for the border, I debated silently in my head. I wanted a 7-Layer Burrito, but I knew I shouldn't have one. Then again, I figured *one* indulgence wouldn't kill me, and besides, it was only 130 calories more than my usual Bean Burrito. I decided to go for it.

I remember getting back to my desk. I remember unwrapping the burrito. But from the moment the scent hit my nostrils, I went into overeating blackout mode. When I came to, I was looking at this:
The horror.
Apparently, having finished my big fat fatty burrito, I decided to have some of that cake after all! And since there weren't any plates, I just reached for the nearest conveyance - a coffee mug, which I crammed full of cakey goodness! And I sat at my desk, cheerfully eating my mugful of cake - with a spoon - as if it were the most normal thing in the world. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself. After all, this shameless display is surely an indication that I am secure with myself on a brand new level. I mean, Lady Gaga has done some weird shit, but have you ever seen her eat a stranger's graduation cake out of a coffee mug? NO YOU HAVE NOT. On the other hand, I went into work yesterday morning as a single woman who lives alone with her cat. I left work yesterday afternoon as a single woman who lives alone with her cat and eats cake out of coffee mugs...and blogs about food way, way, WAY too often.

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