Not Very Nice Quiz: What Kind of Employee Are You?

1. When you get a work-related email at work, how do you react?

a) read it silently, then mutter cusswords at the shit-for-brains who sent it

b) announce to everyone within earshot that you got an email, who it's from, what it says, and how you feel about that

c) start shouting for someone's attention so you can say "Guess who just sent me an email"

d) a what now? Do you mean a "phone call"?

2. You see that a coworker has Facebook up on her monitor. You:

a) feel better about the 45 minutes you just spent on Gmail

b) make a silent note to tell on her when the boss gets back

c) ask her to help you figure out how to change your profile picture

d) ask her to help you figure out how to get on the internet

3. One of your coworkers is having issues with Adobe Acrobat - it keeps trying to save things as .prg files! The boss has asked you to see if you can help. What's step #1?

a) ask your coworker what she's already tried and if she's consulted the Adobe website for possible solutions

b) start to help her out, but end up telling her a 30-minute story about this guy you met at the club instead

c) tell her how cute it is that "Adobe" sounds kind of like "Bartholomew" which, yes, is TOTALLY WHAT YOU'RE NAMING YOUR BABY THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!

d) wow her by spouting your best solutions. Has she tried "right-clicking"? With the "mouse"?

4. Yikes! The CEO has demanded that everyone in the whole company come to the conference room for a standing-room-only meeting! HR is walking around making sure all cell phones are OFF so information can't leave the room. This doesn't look good. How do you handle it?

a) check out the available dudes. The company is FINALLY parading every single man it has to offer in front of you!

b) hide out in a corner so you can talk endlessly the whole time

c) find a seat on a countertop - it's not good for pregnant ladies to stand for long

d) get in the middle of the crowd and then start loudly commenting on the fact that someone smells like BO

5. You're no pop culture expert, but you're pretty sure your new catchphrase "stop it!" is HILARIOUS. What's your strategy to get it incorporated into the lexicon ASAP?

a) deal with it in your off-hours. These people are NOT the target market anyway.

b) tell EVERYONE to "stop it!" ALL THE TIME! REFUSE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE, REGARDLESS OF CONTEXT! "STOP IT!!!"

c) catchphrases? You don't invent those. You just jump on everyone else's!

d) try to insert it into conversation whenever appropriate, but fail to correctly identify "appropriate".

6. Someone somewhere in the world had a baby one time, and someone else told a story about it. How do you participate in the conversation?

a) YOU DON'T. Headphones on! Head down! Volume up!

b) STOP IT!

c) orchestrate the conversation such that all involved parties are huddled around your desk to hear your wisdom on the subject. After all, you once shoved one of those suckers through your vagina - who's gonna know more than you?

d) it doesn't matter how you get involved, but get involved! If you don't, there's a very real risk that you might end up doing some actual work!

SCORING:

Mostly A: Anti-social brown-noser! Congratulations! You may not have any work friends, but at least you have work.

Mostly B: You're the backstabbing gossip! "Stop it!"

Mostly C: Awwww, bless your heart.

Mostly D: It's OK; a lot of people don't understand how computers work.