The Salty Tale of Redbeard The Drunk Irish Pirate

Last Friday, I popped into my friendly local liquor store to acquire more Kopparberg (side note: EVERYBODY IN ATLANTA PLEASE GO BUY LOTS AND LOTS OF KOPPARBERG IMMEDIATELY SO MORE PLACES WILL STOCK MORE OF IT). I bought every bottle they had (4). But since it was Friday, and since I had nowhere to be, and since it was a rainy evening, I decided to dilly dally a bit and wander the aisles marvelling at the incredible variety of revolting crap people are willing to put in their faces. As I did so, a group of men in their 20s came into the store. These men definitely did NOT need any more alcohol than they'd already had, a fact that first became apparent when they went straight to the [non-alcoholic] mixers section and proceeded to get very confused that there didn't seem to be any alcohol in the bottles in their immediate vicinity.

 

Oh dear.

 

Then the argument started.

 

Drunk Guy A chose this random moment to loudly declare his Irish lineage. Drunk Guy B cleverly wrong-footed him with a witty retort ("You're not Irish, asshole"). Naturally, Drunk Guy A was infuriated by this assault on both his integrity and his heritage, but as these are sadly not duelling times (if only!), he did the only thing he could do: he demonstrated his Irishness to everyone in the liquor store...

 

"I am so! This jerk doesn't believe I'm Irish! I am Irish! [pause] YARRRR!!!"

 

I guess it just goes to show my own cultural ignorance that I think of pirates as having an English accent, and can't actually name any Irish pirates off the top of my head. For shame! According to Wikipedia, there were at least four Irish pirates! Meanwhile, this guy, who has proven his Irishness beyond any shadow of a doubt by way of his eerily accurate Irish accent (just adding "YARRR!" at the end of every other sentence), possesses a depth of understanding of Irish culture and history to which most of us non-Irish people can only aspire. He probably speaks fluent Gaeilge too!

 

I learned something that night. Thanks, Incontrovertibly of Irish Descent Guy.