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Wildly Exaggerated: This Dickensian Street Urchin Sponsored by Reaganomics!

Monday, August 22, 2011

This Dickensian Street Urchin Sponsored by Reaganomics!

Due to, ahem, uncertain circumstances in the near future, I have been scrambling these last few weeks to squirrel away massive percentages of every paycheck in the hopes that, should the worst case scenario come to pass, I can sleep for three straight months before I have to start looking for work again. Up til now, my personal financial philosophy has been: "There are some things that are worth splashing out on, and a lot of things that aren't." To give you an example of how that works: I will gladly pay $4-5 for a decent/responsibly-sourced cup of coffee, but I will not replace a pair of jeans until they literally fall off my body. And when I do replace them, I will not spend more than $40 (that's 10 cups of coffee!).

My new personal financial philsophy is: "THIS MATTRESS FULL OF QUARTERS IS MINE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!!" By and large, it's working fine, with the minor caveat that apparently I'm not entitled to goods and services of any kind unless I part with my money. That's how they get ya! So my master plan to shrug off air conditioning didn't really pan out. And there really is a point at which it makes more sense to throw the mushrooms out and buy more, rather than eat them and pay the associated medical bills. Live and learn, right? Oh - and if you think you'll be Extra Super Smart and refinance/modify your mortgage, be sure to hold the phone at least 4 inches from your ear so you won't bust a cochlea when the bank's Mortgage Bastard looks up your home's value and laughs so hard chocolate milk comes out of his nose. Just speaking from experience.

Today I brought a frozen meal for lunch (Amy's Mattar Tofu - $3.39 before tax! Why didn't I just buy gold-plated toilet paper while I was at it?!?!). But when I went to heat it up, I found that someone somewhere in my building had had a Jason's Deli-catered lunch. I know this because the dregs had been left out in the breakroom in keeping with local tradition. There were pickles! There was pasta salad! There was POTATO salad! I discreetly replaced the Amy's lunch in the fridge, fetched my grande coffee mug, and stuffed it full of potato salad. As I scarfed it down at my desk, I smugly reflected on the $3.39 meal I had managed to save for another day, and how fortuitous it was that someone had left a big bowl of fat-smothered salted carbohydrates of unknown provenance in my path. If only it had a sign that said "EAT ME", my Alice in Wonderland fantasy would finally be complete!

Then I thought "This is one step removed from eating out of a trash can." Some days I'm just so darned proud to be me. So yeah, the whole "trickle down" thing is definitely working -  my trash can overfloweth!

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1 Comments:

At August 23, 2011 at 3:05 PM , Anonymous Thomas said...

I have turned on neither my heat nor my air conditioning for the last five years for exactly this reason. Eh, that's a fib, I turn on my AC for the two hottest weeks of the year but that's to keep the furniture from warping.

 

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