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Not Very Nice Quiz: Are You a Brick Wall?

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Wildly Exaggerated: Not Very Nice Quiz: Are You a Brick Wall?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Not Very Nice Quiz: Are You a Brick Wall?

It's the not-at-all eagerly awaited return of the Not Very Nice Quiz! Today, we will be conducting an in-depth psychological test to determine whether or not you (yes, YOU!) are a brick wall. Enjoy!

1. You've decided to raise money for herpes awareness by swimming through shark-infested waters in a replica of Lady Gaga's meat dress! You tell 3 different friends, and each of them has the same reaction: "That is in the top 1 worst ideas I've ever heard." How do you respond?
a) My life coach said I'd face naysayers like you. Dream killer!
b) Wow, you guys are so jealous. Seriously, it's pathetic.
c) You really think so? Can you maybe explain why you think it's a bad idea?
d) I'm so glad you agree about what a great idea it is! Thanks for supporting me.

2. You met the GREATEST GUY on vacation in South America! He's cute, young, foreign, and rich! You mass-email your friends to tell them all about it, and one of them writes back suggesting you Google him IMMEDIATELY. Something about a girl who disappeared in Aruba or whatever. What's your next step?
a) Roll your eyes. She's so bitter about relationships; she's probably got him confused with a different Joran Van der Sloot.
b) Google him! Your friend has your best interests at heart and...OMG! He looks so hot in these pics!
c) Google him, freak out, thank your friend, call the cops, and GO HOME immediately.
d) Terminate the friendship. If she can't be happy for you, then she's not a real friend anyway.

3. It's Christmas vacation time!!! Hooray! As you go to board your flight home, the gate agent informs you that your carry-on bag is far too large and will have to be checked. Whose fault is this?
a) the gate agent! What a bitch! Why can't she just be cool and let you get on the freakin' plane?
b) the ticketing agent. You were standing right in front of her with that bag! If it's so far outside the acceptable size range, why didn't she say something then and save you this hassle at the gate?
c) you hate to say it,'s yours. You had plenty of chances to check the size of the bag. You could've asked any number of people at the airport.
d) who cares? This bag WILL be coming on the plane with you. It's not about assigning blame, it's about finding the right person to scream at to get your way.

4. Is anthropocentric climate change real?
a) No. I haven't really looked into it, but Glenn Beck says it's fake, which is good enough for me!
b) Um, I think you'll find that climate change, like Santa Claus, is a theory, not a fact! Duh.
c) Probably. Modern science requires a HUGE quantity of data to say anything for certain, but most scientists who aren't on retainer with Exxon agree that it's real. And even if we aren't 100% sure, we should take the steps to curb it anyway. Surely nothing but good can come of diversifying our energy sources and doing what we can to keep our air and water clean, right?
d) No because it snowed in Alaska last week. SO MUCH FOR SO-CALLED "CLIMATE CHANGE"!

5. Oh noes! Your job is being eliminated due to outsourcing! Whose fault is this?
a) Your stupid dumb boss who didn't fight hard enough to save your job. What a jerk!
b) Damn foreigners.
c) It's a complex issue which reaches far beyond your own company and into the most basic laws regarding corporate behavior in the United States, including but not limited to the very concept of the fiduciary duty to shareholders. Bottom line: no one is going to reverse any of this in time for you to keep your job, so best to just get on with the search for a new position!
d) OBAMA (if you're a Republican) or BUSH (if you're a Democrat)

Mostly A: Yeeeeaaah. You need to work on looking beyond what you want something to mean and seek out some objective reality.
Mostly B: You're not really a brick wall, but you tend to only get halfway to the truth of the matter. Just try to ask a few more questions and dig a little deeper.
Mostly C: You aren't a brick wall, but you already knew that, since you have at least some superficial contact with the real world.

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