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Wildly Exaggerated: Perry is a Hellmouth

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Perry is a Hellmouth

On my road trip two weeks ago (you know - the one I STILL haven't recovered from?), I noticed a disturbing trend on the billboards as we clawed our way north through Georgia on I-75. I couldn't ever get a good angle to capture them on film, but I feel confident that I can recreate the basic gist using my freeware paint program. It's worked for everything else!
Yeah, this looks about right
They're cheap-looking, harmless billboards, often including some smaller text about all the great things in Perry, like restaurants! Hotels! The state fairgrounds! Other restaurants and hotels! Did we mention the fairgrounds?

I certainly have nothing against Perry. I drive past it at least three times a year, and it's never done me any harm. I'm sure it's as lovely as any other small town in Georgia, and there's always something going on at those fairgrounds. It's all perfectly innocuous. Until you get a little closer to Perry, and the billboards change a bit...
Comic Sans = evil
Again, I should mention that the image above is my recollection of the billboards. There is a slight chance they don't look *exactly* like that. I googled for an actual photograph, but couldn't find one. Why? Because you can't photograph Satan or his demonic advertising. Everybody knows that.

At first I was perplexed. I mean, those fairgrounds draw a lot of people, so it's a logical place for a hellmouth. But why advertise it? Surely this will drive people away? I don't get it. My best guess is that it has something to do with Truth in Advertising regulations. Marketing is the logical fit for Satan's skill set, but even he can't skirt the FTC!



At July 27, 2011 at 1:09 PM , Anonymous Thomas said...

I did gig in Perry two years ago that lasted six months. I despise that place. Little children in Perry dream of growing up and making it in big city Macon.

I'd be happy if the whole place burnt to cinders.


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